Blogging Bondage?

as i patiently awaited for the computer to build up i decided to grab a few Cd's being the Ramones, the Killers, Weezer, and of course Johny Cash, i found one of this original hits and just had to grab it.

it sucks cuz i listen to music all day its my Job! (sucks huh?) lol but the down side is most songs are trying to describe this idea, this thought, this word: Love. it seems to me that everyone is trying to describe the same thing but everyone is having a hard time, and now somehow i understand what all of them were going threw when they we're watching there heart get riped out of the chest and stabbed repeatedly with a spoon. some ppl blog out there emotions some ppl write stand up comedies, some ppl write songs and books, others write in a journal, some ppl just tell there friends/ parents to get it off there chest. kind of interesting now that i think of it. so i get to hear everyone describe it in different ways that all make sense to me. ... kind of sucks, i wish this pain would go away. i wish things felt right again.

so did you hear Obama's taxing Aspirin now, you know because its white and it works.


what do you call a Mexican baptism? Bean Dip!

so i start collage here in Jan. and i start my Drivers Ed course in Nov. so i should have it by my birthday.

Feature Presentation: Blogging Bondage?

So after i was reading Alyses blogs for weeks on end. i decided to post my last post hopefully encouraging ppl to post more about they're worlds you know to keep they're friends in the loop, this is the original "group" from "The Apartment" we need to keep in contact and this was the unwritten way to accomplish this. shortly after reading Alyes' latest blog i realized i might just have imprisoned us all! I'm going to be stuck here blogging about how much toilet paper i used and why that much and what i was thinking while taking 2 1/2 rolls on one bath room run. (what of it?) then you guys can comment on it saying " your not using the bathroom at my house again!"
lol watch this quote will follow me for a long time.. awesome...



well have a good day ppl!
Stay Tuned~
Cameron

Its about time

we have this amazing group of friends that was "launched" to far corners of the state and in Cori's case different states, but we need to keep our "secret society" together, everyone should keep posting even the retarded things like... um "going green" but that's how we all stay in contact and keep our friendships going. so thank you Alyse for setting the example to the rest of us. i know I'm slow sometimes, but I'm going to start posting more even if i don't think its blog worthy i wanna let you all in on whats going on in my world. then you can choose if you want to read it or not.
this was a public announcement thank you for reading ... that is all


stay tuned~
Cameron

Something Interesting

so i was reading blogs and checking my myspace/myyearbook. when i came across a profile i haven't seen in ... almost no just over 2 yrs. and i lost my breath and almost fell on the ground. who is this mysterious profile you ask? well it doesn't really matter who it is, but the point is i learned something from this person in the time that i knew them. ... and its making me think a couple times over again about Cori. plus the 'Convo' ? is that what kids are calling it now? anyway the Conversation that me and Alyse had yesterday afternoon, followed by the one me and .. Cori had. and what we talked about makes sense in my heart, ... but not my head. my decision makes sense in my head, ... but not in my heart. make sense? and that's why i can say I've been confused like ... something/someone that/who is confused alot.

"I can't find a wall to pin this too,

there all coming down since i found you"

"Let me light up the sky,

light it up for you,

let me tell you why,

I would Die for you,

and it still so hard to be who you are,

but you've come this far,

with a broken heart"

"I would explode just to save your life"

As you can see my dilemma. Cori, I do love you, that wont change over some small length of time. I do want to be with you. I can feel your pain, i feel it too. Shadows and Regrets

i have to do this. i know it doesn't make sense and I've tryed a dozen times to explain it, but that's just not one of my strong suits. I love you and want to be with you until your sick of me then I'll leave, if i was king of the world than i would do it that way. I've only talked to a couple people (being one or two) that understand. and there reaction was ... and i quote "Holy shit, you must really love her." that was one and the other started crying then finally said ... and i quote "It takes a real man to do what you did, do you need a hug?"

i care about her, and that's why I did this. when she looks back at this later on in life i think she'll understand. i find myself cursing god for not letting me able to explain the things i really want to explain. he dumped all this knowledge in my brain and said "don't tell anyone" and it sucks. i try and on the simpler things i can sort-of explain but on this i cant.

A.D.D. !

Stay tuned ... but only if the cool kids are doing it.

~Cameron

THIS IS SO FUCKING COOL!!!!!!!!!

OK so today started out like any other, and the last 2 weeks and yesterday including 3 weeks from now I'll be working at the Radio Station. its KRCL 90.9 FM and for the last few weeks they've had be do basic filing and other "bitch work" but today about 5 Min's ago they decided that i was TOO efficient and ran out of things for me to do. (and my boss got laid off on Friday) so they ran out of shit for me to do for them, and so the programing Director said to me "well, shit. why don't you just go into one of the studios and play some music and surf the web!" when i replied i didn't have any Cd's on me he said "just go into our library and pick out whatever you'd like" for those of you who haven't seen 3 dj's and a radio station's collective CD collection, ummm ITS MASSIVE!! like 12 Allies of just Cd's every type of music, so i quickly ran/walked really quickly to hide my crazed excitement, and picked out 3 MegaDeath Albums and some Johny Cash, then i found the ZZ Top, every Weezer Album, oh oh and then the Yellow Card, but it got really bad when i saw they're ColdPlay collection. before i knew it i was grabbing hot titles left and right, like a really fat kid, like really really fat kid in the Free Candy aisle. i ended up walking out of there with close to 15 Cd's including one called "1990's Cookies" that i just had to check out. ya ... it was bad, so now i can hardly control running around in this sound proof room screaming while BLASTING ColdPlay and Johny Cash. oh wait.... (I am). He showed me how all the controls work so now I'm adjusting music and pitches like a pro. hmmm but now something called the "rude solo light" is flashing at me.... i just don't know what it does. like right now, "my Name is Jonas" is at a rockstar level of loud. theres little knobs for everything, EVEN the lights! and the mic's it has a twin cassette tape player, and right next to it, there is a twin Cd player, along with really really .. really fast Internet. and i have another 2 hours to enjoy it!

In other news the Dorm decided that i would make a good president, (odd i know) Cameron Mackey for President ... Mkay
but all these good things (i think) are really just distracting me from ... My Coriann, it hurts so much to talk to her about weather and her day. then when we eventually get into ... a more serious conversation. it really hurts: We're talking agonizing pain here. it hurts so bad where it should be inhumane if you did it to an animal. you want to but the animal (or whatever) out of its misery its the kind thing to do. but as people we don't have that option. it hurts because i know it was the right thing to do. it hurts more when she doesn't understand why. it hurts even more when i have to re-live it and try to explain it. like being hit with a Semi, but surviving out in the middle of nowhere. with no hospitals or people around to help you. that kind of agonizing pain.
people always seem to come to me with they're life crisis' and i seem to somehow solve them no problem. but when it comes to me. it just seems to not work. i cant find the " easy button" its not fair! ok so maybe it is. but still.

on center we are on the brink of war, (being the whole center!) "officially" i have no part in it. but simple shit that i used to take joy in i just cant find anymore, shot a bunch of my classmates in Call of Duty 4, (they suck) 22 kills, 4 deaths. a +18 k/d spread for those gamers out there. there was two fights in my dorm this week. one was between two Mexicans fighting over Mexican pride... and one calling the other a "wet back" now to me that means hard worker. but somehow its offensive to them. (who knew?) and the other fight was between my roommate (Jerry) who is 5'8 weighs 210 libs and can bench 425 libs translation: big mother fucker, really nice tho. anyway he is the Head Supply Officer in our Dorm and he got into a fight with a higher officer in our dorm. now me being the VP (soon to be P) felt some obligation to break up these two fights. but i didn't, i had a feeling they would work themselves out on there own. and i was right. as horrible as it is to say these students have been in a fight or two before.. trust me. sorry about that i had to step away from the keyboard for a sec to swap out and put in Johny Cash on the top player while i listen to Undone-Weezer on the bottom player, damn this thing is so cool,

oh so yesterday they let me program this program called the Gselector basically its a giant ipod, it was currently holding 17,459 songs on the system and that doesn't count the hard copy's. and i got to choose all the music that was played on the air. didn't' happen today but it was still cool, tedious but really cool. time for some Yellowcard: Paper Walls. wanna hear a secret? OK OK OK so do you wanna hear 2 secrets?
one: i miss my Cori.... allot
Two: i played some KingSpades in the studio! the answer to your question is yes, it WAS awesome.
Thank you for reading, and sharing this moment with me, i was just really excited.
stay tuned no matter when no matter where you'll never know where the next episode will post ... itself.
~Cameron
...















what are you guys still doing reading???? the blog is over. its up there somewhere watch scroll up a little bit and you'll find it. it has it all laughter, sorrow, electronics, language, nudity.....

















oh wait, no it doesn't i almost looked tho.
but seriously, I'm done typing now, I'm done telling the world how much i want to find a way for me to be with Cori, or possibly nope that's it, it was the main point of the blog anyway.





yep....



































oh ya he did this in that one blog of his...


























OK it's done. The beating of the dead horse has come to a conclusion.
goodbye all!

and stay tuned
~Cameron

Only if your really Cool

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